I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
