Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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