Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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