I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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