Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
