The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
