Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
