i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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