I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
