Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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