I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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