there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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