omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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