Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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