Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
