didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
