Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
