I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
