If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
