Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
