I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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