need another drink. this is the easiest way
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
