I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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