you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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