He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
