Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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