I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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