If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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