Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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