I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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