he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
