I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
