Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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