ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
