In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
