Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
