a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
