3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im holly from the hills drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
