Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the day after is always just damage control
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
