Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
