somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
