I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
