Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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