So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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