i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
