sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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