I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
