His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
