I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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