Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
