Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
