I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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