I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
