I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
