Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
