all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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