As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
