there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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