he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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