that's an acceptable place to lick
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
