I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
