Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
