I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want a musical about memes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
