one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
