Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
