i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
