Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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