How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
