A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
