i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
