Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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