he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
